Snow Pond Road: June 2012

Yep, it's something I've been trying to do more of - living in the moment, enjoying the present, savoring this life before I open my eyes one day and realize that so much of it passed me by when I wasn't paying attention. You often hear people nearing the end of their lives talk about "the good old days" and then they go on to tell you some story of when they were in their thirties and their children were young and they worked long hours and had sleepless nights and they struggled to pay the mortgage and their family vacation consisted of day trips to the beach and on and on and on...and I realized that the moment I am living in - these very days - these are my good old days. And as challenging as my reality is sometimes, there is not one single ounce of my being that wants to waste my good old days. These days (all days really) are far too precious to waste.

And so I stepped away from the computer to think all of these thoughts and ponder how to make these days mean something. Really mean something and be enjoyable despite the everyday challenges of getting all the lunches made and getting to work on time. Meeting deadlines and juggling work and play. Fitting it all in. Feeling successful at life. And... I can honestly tell you that I haven't come up with a single answer. I have no idea how to make it all work and succeed at life, but thinking about it - this life right now - simply thinking about it has made me more present. And that simple shift in thinking has made life more enjoyable.

Don't get me wrong, I still wake up in the middle of the night most nights and I can't get back to sleep because there is something completely out of my control that my mind feels the need to worry about. I still raise my voice at Brody more than I should, but why for the love of Pete does he feel the need to move slow as molasses as soon as I need him to hurry? I still am late to everything despite my best intention, and there are a million other examples of how I fail on a regular basis. But for some reason lately, failing doesn't feel so bad. It feels pretty darn honest and human. I don't know what has come over me to give myself this break - some strange act of kindness toward myself - but I'll take it for whatever reason because it feels kind of nice to not be so hard on myself. To not feel like I always have to rush. To not be on guard all the time. To worry a little less and relax a little more. It's been quite wonderful and while I realize that it likely won't last, I'm soaking it up for as long as I can and working really hard to stay in this moment.

Just look at how precious these moments are...

At a sugar house for Maple Sugar Weekend