Friday, March 30, 2012

Happy Birthday Little Boy Blue (better late than never!)

Dear Jameson,
So we have made it through your first year...and we are all in one piece. I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you, before really, but when I saw your sweet face, your baby fine hair, your fingers and toes and all the perfection that is you, I fell in love completely. I don't know if I was ever really afraid that I wouldn't love another child as much as my first, but if I had been, that thought quickly vanished. I have loved every inch of you with my entire being right from the start. And while I expected you to be like your brother when he was a baby - since he was the only baby I had ever really known - you quickly let me know that was not to be the case!

You have become a pretty easy going guy 50% of the time...unless you want to eat, or wrestle the cat, or chew on the dog toys or some other activity that we prevent you from doing and then LOOK OUT! Let's just say that you are not full of patience. You are however in the other half of your time, full of belly laughs, silly grins, snuggle-love pats, and high fives. You are rough and tumble - the epitome of "boy". Your desire to listen to music and dance is nearly as ferocious as your desire to eat! And while, at your age, your brother was probably speaking in complete sentences to ask us to turn the music on (he has always been a verbal overachiever), you are content to point at the ipod and do a smiley little wiggle dance to let me know that you would like to hear some music while you nosh on your banana or waffle or the never-ending supply of cheerios that you so hot-temperedly demand!

You are content to do things your way, at your own pace, and you are confident with your not-so-little voice to make sure that we know when things aren't going as you planned. Like when you want to hit that irresistible button with the little orange light on the dvd player, but someone put that effing gate in your way so you can see the button, but you can.not.touch.it. Or when you want to play with Sampson's food and water dish and clink and clang them together in a mess all over the floor, or when you simply want to go to bed after your bath, but we make you get dried off and put on a diaper and jammies. We realize that this is torture for you, but I promise that we really have your best interest at heart. You are fairly Jeckyl & Hyde my boy.  A carefree, easy going soul one minute and then in a wound up little ball of fire and tears the next. It's quite exhausting and completely precious, and although I could do with a few less outbursts (particularly around dinner time in the middle of the week), it is who you are. My precious, firecracker boy!

I could go on and on about how you love to swing, and wrestle with your brother. How you know no fear - like seriously you know no fear and will likely give me regular panic attacks in the near future! How you have learned to give sweet kisses, and say "hi" whenever the phone rings, and eat half of my breakfast after you've already eaten yours. I have a million stories about you from just one year. I cannot wait to see what this lifetime together holds for us. Thank you for being my little boy blue. Thank you for making me a mother again - still - again. Thank you for smiling at me when you wake up from a nap as I slowly open the door to breath in your sweet baby air - while it's still smells of baby. I will love you forever...and then some.

Love ~Mama








Wednesday, March 21, 2012

If I had only known...

I was talking to my friend on the phone earlier today. She has kids about the same age as mine - her oldest is a year younger than Brody and her youngest was born a week after Jameson. She had just gotten back from bringing both of them shoe shopping (nuts I know) and was clearly worn out from the experience. I love talking to this friend because, although she stays home with her kids and I work, we are in relatively the same place in our lives in that we're trying to balance family and all of the other things that fill our lives. We are trying to make magical childhoods for our kids while still finding time for our husbands and ourselves (more so than the occasional shower and solo trip to the bathroom). A not-so-easy feat for anyone who hasn't tried it yet!

I don't know how the conversation got to this point, but she mentioned how she was thinking about life before kids and how much sleep she used to get. Like oodles of sleep. And it made me think...mmm, sleep. So true, sleep was abundant before children. I slept so much, I got tired from all the sleeping. Then we thought about all the other things that were simply abundant and far under appreciated before we had children - like collagen in our faces, spring in our step, gravity-defiance in our bodies, and time. We had so much time on our hands...for movies and dinner with friends and haircuts. Oh my God, I just realized that I haven't had a haircut since August! How is it that these beautiful, amazing, angelic (when they're sleeping) creatures have stripped us of these things.

Then we thought - it's not just the babies. She told me about some issue with filing her taxes and interest on savings bonds. I told her about refinancing our house and how much extra paperwork is required because Ryan is self-employed. And I realized that, while I blame these babies for the bags that reside under my eyes, the dark circles, my post-partum funky hair, the new found body-sag (I'll spare you the details), and the general "old face" as my friend calls it, it is not only the babies that are responsible. It's this whole "being a grown-up" business that is making us not so aesthetically pleasing. While my being - my soul - the thing that gets filled up with love and joy and happiness - is in relatively good shape (yeah, yeah, the anxiety issues sometimes get in the way of that. I'm choosing to ignore those issues for the moment), my body looks like I got hit by a truck and was left of the side of the road to be slowly picked at by crows. Not.really.exaggerating...

Being a grown-up is completely exhausting. Paying bills? Exhausting. Grocery shopping? Exhausting. Raising children? Exhausting. Trying to find clothes in my closet that still fit my body after having two babies? EXHAUSTING! Unfortunately there isn't a whole lot to do about that...I can't stop being a grown-up.

And so we hope. We hope that someday when our kids are grown, when they no longer cry from their cribs because they are lonely in the middle of the night, or call out for us because they have to go to the bathroom and don't want to go by themselves, we will get more restful sleep. Right? Somebody please tell me this is true. When our arms are no longer full of squirmy little baby bodies that want to be held, no they want to play, no they want to be held, no they want to play (Up or down kid! Up or down. I'm not an elevator!), we hope that we will find time to make these bodies strong (and sexy) again. Ummm...stop laughing. I realize that this might not ever be possible, but a girl can dream. And so maybe five (ok 10) years from now, we will look rested and actually be rested...and we can be grateful that we're not the new mom's who we see in the shoe store, looking like they haven't slept in a week or showered in even longer, as their child tries on ten pairs of shoes and the baby gnaws on the Teva display.

We hope. And in the meantime I'm beginning to think that the next 5 years are going to fly by. I have most certainly reached the point in my life where the "days are long and the years are short." I mean how is Brody almost 5? F-I-V-E!

We ended the conversation laughing at ourselves saying, "if we had only known..." But after I got of the phone I thought about it. If I had only known...what? What would I have done? Not had kids? Not built a house? Not grown up? If I had only known...I would probably be exactly where I am. Exhausted. Pretending that my pre-baby clothes are still appropriate for this post-baby body. Hair in a ponytail hoping that my co-workers can't tell I played Little People and Legos before work instead of showering. If I had only known...I guess I probably couldn't have planned it any better.

And now I know.










Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Spring Fever

I spend hours at work writing presentations on how our changing climate impacts the water resources of the state, ways to manage stormwater and strategies to adapt to all of these changes. And sometimes I worry about the quality of life that my children and their children and their children will have if we fail to do something now. I'm a worrier if you haven't figured that out already. I have to admit though, while these 70 degree March days sound a little alarm in the back of my mind ("global warming, global warming"), I am sure loving the warmer weather!

We have been battling a double ear infection with little Jameson this past week and no one has gotten much sleep in the house (besides Brody who can apparently sleep through a train running through his room - or his little brother's incessant screaming - same difference). So I have been incredibly grateful for these sunny days and warmer temps to give me a little boost of energy when I feel rather zombie-like.

Brody has loved being able to wear short sleeves to school and we have been loving that it is still light enough after dinner to go out and play before bedtime.

So here are a few pictures before the warm weather hit.

I'd like to pretend that Brody is doing a better job not being so bossy about the way that Jameson plays with his toys, but alas he is the first child and a serious rule follower. I believe he was explaining to JJ the proper way to pop open the boxes...and I believe this was right before JJ said to hell with proper and ripped the toy from Brody's bossy little fingers! Ah, brothers!

And my little boy blue...

I realize this picture is blurry, but this is how I see him most of the time now. He's a busy little man, crawling, climbing and getting into trouble at warp speed!





Did I mention he likes to climb? This is his way of getting us to stop what we're doing and take him on a "tall tour" to see all the pictures on the walls and look out all the windows. It's quite effective really since you can't just walk away when a baby is clinging to your ankles. 



Tucker's new napping place. We have discovered (as has Tucker) that the afternoon sun shines directly on the basket of dish towels. While this makes a cozy retreat for Tucker, we've been noticing cat hair on our clean dishes. I apologize in advance to anyone who comes over for a meal.

And this boy...he's standing flat-footed (well one of them) on the floor. Do you see how tall he is? When we moved into the house just a little over two years ago his head was barely above the counter. Where did my little boy go?

Looks like they get along huh?

It's usually more like this...

But occasionally, we get this!

And this was a nice treat for Brody. Getting to read with Pa. Brody has always loved to look at books and has carefully turned pages since he was a teeny tiny baby. He loves being read to. I think he and Pa sat for over an hour reading books about snakes and lizards.


And here are some pictures from our evening out last night. You can see that Jameson was enjoying himself and looking fairly well recovered from his ear infections...so why all the crying at 3am you might ask? Someone liked sleeping on Daddy the two nights before. Dr. Ferber can you hear me?

Up...
 ...up...
 ...and away!

 A few signs that spring is coming! Our tulips are waking up!

And so is the lilac

So it kind of looks like a tornado went through our back yard, but that was just Ryan! Actually, it was the guy who Ryan hired to take down the towering pine trees that were a little too close for comfort with all of the wind and ice storms we've been having (see...global warming!)

Brody loves to go exploring in the back yard though. Who knew sticks could be so much fun?




And the fresh air did JJ some good too!

Then it was on to swinging...which I realized is nearly impossible to capture well on my camera. Oh well, the joy comes through even if the details don't!







Sometimes you can't be bothered with things like bathroom breaks!

And Sammie and Brody enjoying the last bit of sunshine before heading to bed!