Mr. Cookie Face

No words necessary...

Is it really possible?

Am I really about to start planning your first birthday?

I vowed before you were born that I would do my best to be present for each and every moment of your first year (and beyond) because I knew from your brother just how quickly it all goes by. Blink.Of.An.Eye kind of quick. And for the most part, I have kept my vow...even during the difficult up every two hours to nurse and infant reflux and the heartbreak of having to leave you with your nanny and go to work and the beyond heartbreak of you wanting to stay with your nanny instead of come to me at the end of the day - I'm still recovering from that one, but such is the life of a working mother.

I have tried to burn every moment and every emotion into my brain...better than that, into my senses (my brain has become a less reliable organ for memory recall since your birth). The smell of fresh diapers, the fluff of your hair against my cheek as you lay your head on my shoulder all fresh and clean, dried and wrapped up in your feety pajamas after the tub. I have watched as your tiny fingers, wrapped around mine, pudged up and dimples formed on your knuckles. I have watched you...every minute of you, gaining confidence, finding your style, finding your voice. I have watched you admire your brother, feed your sippy cup to the dog, attempt to eat the cat. I have watched you learn to do so many things. All because, well, that is what mothers do. We gaze at our children in wonder at the amazing and perfect things that you do every day. And also because you are my last baby. You are my last.

Still what I can't believe is that, even though I have been present and in the moment since your birth, the year is simply flying by. This first year of my last baby is nearly over. And we all know that once you're a year old, you're really not a "baby" anymore. You are your own little man. You are brave and bold and persistent with very little patience and I fear (and am simultaneously immensely proud) that once you put on those walking shoes and start running around, that you will never look back.

And so my sweet, vocal boy, please forgive me if in the next two months I snuggle you extra close. If I hold on to you for an extra breath to inhale your sweet baby smells before they all too quickly turn into little boy smells. Forgive me if try to rock you when you want to fall asleep on your own. Forgive me if I try to help you when you can do it yourself.

Someday you will understand how fast a year goes...how fast a baby grows.

xo - Mama

The Boy is Getting Big!

He might not digest well and he might not be able to roll consistently from his back to his belly, but this kid is growing like a weed and loving sitting up...almost by himself! Our new favorite games are Eskimo kisses and him shaking his head "no" in response to me nodding my head "yes". I'll be concerned about him disagreeing with me once it's not so darn cute anymore!

Who knew tummy time could be so much fun? Why did I ever used to scream about it!

I've been watching Brody on Daddy's shoulders for 7 months now. It's finally my turn!

Yep, that's right...I can sit up almost all by myself!

My precious baby boy...

What do you do when you are looking at your precious, healthy, happy, perfect, 6 month old baby boy innocently jumping in his jumperoo, and hear a nurse on the other end of the phone tell you that, if he gets the bug he's been exposed to, he will likely die? I'm serious...what are you supposed to do? How are you supposed to react? Because this is what happened to me seven days ago. I heard her words and looked to him, cooing and chewing on as many fingers as he could get in his mouth. He looked up at me, smiling and drooling and oblivious to the conversation being had about him...So what did I do? I flipped the F out!! F-L-I-P-P-E-D THE F OUT!!

Needless to say we had a bit of a scare in our house last week. One of the children at Jameson's "school", his nanny's oldest son actually, contracted haemophilus influenza. This is what the Hib vaccine is for. Her child was fully vaccinated, but it turns out this was some incredibly rare strain that isn't covered under the vaccine. It is incredibly rare to get H. influenza in the first place, but to get this crazy rare strain is nearly unheard of. Jameson was exposed to it 12 days ago. No one knows exactly how long the incubation period is because it is so rare, but now that he is 12 days out, the doctors are pretty confident that he will not get it. We are still giving him vitamin D, and elderberry syrup to help his little system fight it off, but I'm feeling more confident each day that he'll be OK.

Jameson was the biggest red flag out of all of the other children at his "school" because he is under a year old and is not vaccinated. The vaccination debate is quite a controversial one and not what I really want to discuss here. But I will say, because I always feel like I need to justify this decision, is that it was not a decision we took lightly. As a parent, you have to do your research, consult with doctors that you trust, and, most importantly I think, go with your gut. So we have decided to delay, space out, and separate childhood vaccinations as much as possible. That just works for us...whatever anyone else wants to do with their own children is just fine with me. From what I understand though, even if JJ followed the CDC vaccination schedule, he wouldn't have been fully vaccinated.

So it was the public health nurse for the state  that informed the nurse at my doctor's office that the majority of children under a year old who are not fully vaccinated die from this infection. After flipping out (did I mention that I flipped out?), we did a little research and found out that the real statistics show that approximately 50% of the children who contracted the infection got meningitis. Of those that got meningitis, between 2 and 5% of the cases were fatal. Those are still not feel good statistics, but a whole lot better than the majority of kids who get it die.

So I called up the good old public health nurse at the state to give her a piece of my mind and clarify a few of her (mis)statements and do you know what she said to me? She said, "well, the most important thing to discuss is getting your baby up to date on his vaccinations."  Really? That's the most important thing? You said my kid was probably going to die and the most important thing to talk about is a plan to get him up to date on his shots? Fuel for the fire my friends...fuel for the fire! 

So we had a not-so-friendly little chat about priorities in medical emergencies, unnecessarily scaring parents in an already scary situation, and the fact that karma is going to kick her in the ass for telling someone that their kid is going to die (ok, we didn't actually talk about that last one, but I had many, many thoughts about it!).

Thankfully, I hope, we are through this scare. We still have a long flu season ahead of us, but normal colds and flus I can pretty much handle...sort of...almost. What I don't understand is why this woman felt it was OK to give me the wrong information. Was it a scare tactic to get me to follow the CDC vaccination guidelines? Whatever the reason, she and I are not friends. And um, hello, the kid who got it was vaccinated! 

I just can't understand trying to make someone more worried than they already are and than they need to be, especially about their children. From the very first moment of your child's very first breath, your heart lives on the outside of your body. The world becomes a much bigger and much more threatening place than you had ever realized before. And it's wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time. Every bump and bruise, every sniffle and stomach bug, every hurt feeling...hurts us parents more than it hurts our children. So why anyone would try to make that hurt bigger, I just can't imagine.

I'll spare you all the rest of my thoughts, I'm sure by now you know I have many of them! I'll file the helpless feeling from that phone call along with the same helplessness that I felt during Brody's seizure two years ago and I'll deal with the pile of PTSD from having children somewhere down the line, when everyone sleeps through the night and I have two minutes to myself to process this life I'm living. Until then, I'll hug these babies tight, tickle their bellies, and hold their hands as long as they let me.

Feeling too serious? Well, here are a few pictures of JJ in his jumper while we were quarantined.

Jameson seems to love the jumperoo nearly as much as Brody did! Notice the fingers in his mouth? Nosh, nosh, nosh!

 

Brody can't miss a photo op with his brother!

And Sampson the wonder dog in a rare moment of being outside when he stops eating whatever he can get in his mouth and looks up. I mean seriously...why does he eat everything? I think he has pica!

Back in the jumperoo, blowing zurberts now! One of his favorite pastimes.

Jameson on the swings...

The title says is all. (And don't make fun of his big head...we can't find a hat that fits him. It's his big, beautiful brain that makes his head so big!)

My Boys

So we brought up the next stage of toys for Jameson to start playing with. I don't know who is more excited about it, Jameson or Brody!

Yes, that's right...somehow Brody still fits his little buns into the bumbo! 

To Jameson

Just in case you wondered kid, you are loved...
incredibly
wholeheartedly
remarkably
unimaginably
loved...

Spiders and Bears!

A strange combination, but that's what we've got around our house this week!

Brotherly Love...what could be better?

No words necessary...just feel the love!

Where did Summer go?

As I write this I am bundled at my kitchen table drinking a cup of tea thinking about having a bowl of chicken soup that I made for dinner last night! I guess it's time to say goodbye to summer! We've had a string of tropical storms that have brought a lot of rain and cooler weather to New Hampshire and while it doesn't really feel like Fall yet, it doesn't feel like Summer either. I am just so not ready for Summer to be over. I've been sleep deprived and foggy most of the summer and I am not looking forward to the upcoming cold and flu season. Just thinking about it makes my heart have palpitations.

Since I don't have a time machine to have a summer do-over, I'll share a few pictures of what we've been up to the last couple of weeks. Enjoy!

The boys have played together as much as is possible for a four year old and a five month old to play!

Jameson has decided that lying down is for the birds. He wants to sit or stand all the time. Of course he's too lazy to figure out how to roll over or sit or stand on his own. Props like the Bumbo are his best friends!

We seem to have gotten over the hump of hating tummy time. While he's still not the biggest fan, he doesn't scream like he's being tortured anymore! Bonus!

He's also learned that the swing ain't half bad! If only he had learned this before his little buddha body topped the weight capacity for the swing...

OK, this is a big one and really deserves it's own post, but...time is ticking so here is a picture of Brody on his very first day of Pre-K!! Can you believe it! Look how happy he is!

And here he is showing me how excited he is to start Pre-K!

And one of Mommy & Brody...yes, I realize I look terrible and sleep deprived. You'll have to bring this up with Jameson!

Speak of the devil...here he is chewing away. I forgot how teething can ruin a perfectly good baby!

Here he is with his favorite toy. Yep, that's right a burp cloth is this kids favorite toy. I guess with the reflux, the burp cloth has become somewhat of a lovey for him!

Just hanging around...a jammy sort of day!

And this is just to show you that I actually exist. I'm not just some blog voice-over. Here I am, unshowered, sans make-up, covered in dry spit-up, you know...the usual! I don't know if I'm delirious from not having a full night of sleep in over five months or from the post-partum hormones still lingering in my body, but as hard as life is right now, I wouldn't trade it for anything!

The Many Faces of Jameson

Yes, these were all captured within 5 minutes...his moods swing as much as mine!

Content

Happy

inside out happy (5 degrees above happy!)

surprised!

not happy

August and Everything After

August is one of my favorites months of the year. Some of the most amazing things in my life have happened in the month of August...I married my love (8/26 in case anyone wants to babysit!), I met my Brody for the first time (8/5), and I found out I was pregnant with Jameson. And apparently Tucker was born in the back woods of Bath, Maine sometime in August. The next important thing in a long line of August happenings is the addition of a rottweiler puppy to our clan tomorrow. His name is Sampson, he is supposedly very sweet (God, please let him be a good dog!), and the bonus is he's used to being crated. So when the other little men in my house are taking up all of our time, he will hopefully be content to curl up in his little crate and wait for the chaos to settle down!

I'll be sure to post some pictures of Sampson's homecoming. I'm actually pretty excited about having another rottweiler. If he is anywhere near as sweet as Kacy, we'll have an amazing dog in our lives again.

In the meantime, here are some pictures of the other precious men in my life...they are growing up so fast!

Jman enjoying the bumbo...he can finally hold up that enormous noggin! 

LOVE!

My attempt at getting a recent picture of me and Jameson...

It was going well until I could no longer resist the deliciousness that is his head!

See for yourself - I mean how can it be resisted?